I’ve often watched “professionals” at work and thought, “I could do that at least as well.” And since some of these pros get paid big bucks, I could even do what they do more efficiently as well. In other words, I could attain the same level of mediocrity for less money. To wit:

1. Weatherman – I mean, I could easily be wrong 50% of the time. Piece-o’-cake. I wouldn’t even need all the fancy computer stuff. Just give me a 3×5 card painted sky blue with a hole in the center. I’ll walk outside, look up through the hole, and see if the colors match. If they do, hey, it’s going to be a nice day. If not, well…

2. Relief pitcher – I could easily throw four balls or lob a home run ball to end a game. I’d do it for half the money the lowest paid MLB pitcher gets and smile all the way to the bank. I know damn well I could throw a baseball from 20 feet in front of home plate to the first baseman close enough for him to catch it. Are you listening, Mike Timlin?

3. Copy editor – Ok, maybe this one is not so easy. I suppose you could really get burned out reading so much drivel. But I’ve seen one too many tpyos, grammatical errors what any kid would know, and, excess, commas, that slipped by folks whose careers revolve around getting it right on paper.

4. Traffic engineer – I can’t remember the last time I saw a properly timed series of traffic lights. Champaign is definitely in need of a good traffic guru. Neil St comes to mind. Indianapolis is another nightmare that needn’t be. Maybe cities are too cash strapped to afford traffic engineers. If so, my apologies to the profession.

5. Sporting event TV director – I was watching the Formula One race from Monaco (Monte Carlo) a few weeks ago and the French TV feed director kept missing important racing action to show the faces of the mechanics in the pit lane. I mean repeatedly. It would have been comical if he hadn’t missed so much on-track action. And then during a recent Red Sox/Yankmees game, we got to see a close up of Alex Rodriguez’s face over and over and over. Plus we got to hear about his antics through the entire show. Maybe A-Rodent owns a big piece of ESPN, who knows.